The BIG Step Out

As I am preparing to type this post the words from Francesca Battistelli's song "I'm Letting Go" are rolling around in my mind.  The words: The opening line, "My heart beats, I'm standing on the edge.  My feet have finally left the ledge...." and then the course, "I'm letting go of the life I planned for me, and my dreams.  I'm losing control of my destiny.  It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe."  A few weeks ago, I experienced that exact feeling.  Before you roll your eyes and think "here she goes talking about skydiving again", just give me a few minutes to elaborate.  I had a mini-revelation last night and I want to share, hoping that you will be as inspired as I was.

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The first house we lived in when we moved to Siloam was in a neighborhood that was right next to the airport.  If we were outside on sunny days you would hear the roar of the engine from the airplanes taking off and then, not too long after, you would hear this "Whoosh" sound and if you looked closely, you would see a flash of vibrant color in the sky that would become larger as the parachute made its descent to the ground.  It was fun to watch.  "I want to do that someday, "  I would say.  Just the thought of what that must feel like was exciting.  "I'm going to do it, one day." 

Fast forward a few years to December 25, 2011.  I am leaving Christmas morning service at the church when an usher, wearing a big smile on his face, stops me.  "So, did you hit your BGMC goal?  Are you going skydiving?"  The deadline for money to be turned in toward our $2,000 BGMC (Boys and Girls Missionary Challenge) goal that would result in my jumping out of a plane had passed and we were several hundred dollars shy of our mark. "Doesn't look like it's going to happen," I told him.  His smile only grew bigger.  "You'll never guess what came in the offering today.  Someone wrote a check for (x amount of dollars) to BGMC." 

My heart skipped a beat.  "Uh-uh!" 
"Yes they did!" he insisted. 
It was true.  The giver had wrote a check to BGMC that put us OVER our goal.  It was official, I was going skydiving. 

April 2011 arrives....the date is scheduled.  The Friday night before I don't sleep, not well anyway.  I keep having a varied version of the same dream over and over.  I am on a plane but the plane never gets off the ground.  I keep making excuses and prolonging the take-off.  Saturday morning arrives.  My morning is spent flinching at the sound of anything that sounds like an airplane engine.  I call Skyranch where I will make my jump to confirm.  "Not going to happen today," the man on the other end of the phone tells me.  "The clouds are too low."  A wave of relief washes over me. 

May 2012....jump rescheduled.  I'm not sure what changed inside of me between April and May but something did.  I slept soundly on Friday night and woke up Saturday with a healthy anticipation of what the day had in store for me.  No nerves, just excitement.  The moment arrives.  I am geared up with what I am sure is the tightest harness that exists and I board the small plane along with my two skydive coaches and another first-time skydiver.  It is my first plane ride ever.  At around 9,000 feet in the air my skydive coach attaches my harness to his.  I am strapped to him much like an infant is strapped to the chest of their mother.  The airplane door opens and a gust of wind that literally took my breath away wooshes in.  There is a tiny step outside the plane.  The instructor places his foot on it first, and I follow.  It is at this moment most people panic.  We are now 9,500 feet above the ground.  He counts us down...1, 2, 3 and our free fall toward the ground at 120mph begins.    I cannot begin to put words to that feeling.  It didn't feel like falling.  I didn't feel like I was flying.  But whatever I was feeling was incredible!  Thirty seconds later the parachute opens.  The 4 1/2 minute "float" to the ground is breath-taking.  "Wow, God!  You are amazing!"  Once on the ground, and after regaining my bearings, I instantly know...I want to do that again! 

Now....here's my mini-revelation: 
How often do we say to ourselves, "I want to have faith..." or "I see what God is doing in everyone else's life", but we never get on the plane?  I believe faith in God is a lot like skydiving.  For those 5 minutes, my life was completely in the hands of someone else.  My instructor told me when to jump, I was just along for the ride.  There was nothing holding me in the air except a high-tech harness that was attached to my instructor.  I had no idea where the rip-cord was to pull the chute.  But I knew my instructor did, and he would pull it.  I had complete faith in my instructor and a total calm as I took that first step out of plane. 

I feel like God is asking me, and maybe you, too, "Do you have complete faith in me?"  Why won't we attach ourselves to God and throw our arms out and jump out into whatever it is He's calling us to do?  Why do we need to know how everything is going to work in order to trust Him?  Can't we instead believe that He knows what He's doing and that He will lead us safely through?  If we would truly have faith in God then no step would seem too big, and I imagine that the feeling we would get would far surpass those few exhilarating moments I experienced while skydiving. 

Don't you want to get on the plane?  Don't you want to stop talking about "one day" and instead say, "today is the day"? 

Skydiving has now become a new fascination for me.  In fact, I've even looked into taking classes to become a certified skydiver.  If you ever do it once, I guarantee you, you will want to do it again.  It truly is a feeling like no other.  And I am certain that having a true, complete faith in God is also a feeling like no other. 

Will you join me in taking on the challenge to put your faith 100% in God?  If you've read "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, then you will understand what I mean when I say, start drawing those prayer circles and believe! 

Overhauling

For the past several weeks God has really laid the word "overhaul" on my heart. For the last couple of months of 2011 I felt like my life was on cruise control, especially in the spiritual realm. I was reading my Bible and praying and journaling but it felt more like a box to check off my to-do list rather than an opportunity for spiritual growth and intimacy with Christ. I began to pray that God would provide opportunities for more personal, quality time with Him but when He did, I was still not taking full advantage of those moments. It was then that God dropped the word "overhaul" into my heart. Let me see if I can explain.

There is a television show that is titled "Overhaulin'" and the purpose of the show is to take a vehicle (unbeknownst to the owner but with a loved ones permission)and completely restore it. The owner has no creative input, no approval of designs, no control over any part of the process. The master designer has full control and free reign to do as he pleases to the vehicle. Usually the vehicle is some kind of classic car that has spent far too many years collecting dust in a garage just waiting for someone to make it new again. Or, at times, the vehicle will be one that holds great sentimental value because it had been passed down through the family over several generations. An elite team of of mechanics, designers, sound techs, and upholsterers come together to give the vehicle a complete, inside and out, overhaul.

During the course of the overhaul many things take place. Alot of times the vehicle is stripped completely bare because there's nothing worth saving. Other times the whole body of the car is sand blasted to remove rust. Then there's welding parts back together that have cracked and need to be strengthened, followed by a good buffing to make it smooth and remove any traces of previous damage. Next comes removing any parts that will no longer be needed for the vehicle's new design. Of course the body is painted and often times a specialized artist will come in to do unique, hand-painted designs that is usually time consuming and tedious. All the while the engine has either been rebuilt or a new one is being installed, the interior becomes new and pristine with top of the line gadgets and electronics. A new sound system and custom rims usually finish off the overhaul.

When the owner is finally allowed to see his or her vehicle they are usually moved to tears and their joy is obvious in their actions and words. The vehicle that they once loved and valued so much, the one that they spent all week fretting over never seeing again, has been returned. The vehicle has become all they ever dreamed and hoped it would be plus much more. The value has doubled, if not tripled! I've never once watched the show and seen one person disappointed in the outcome or wish for the old version of their vehicle. The master designer then gives the signed drawing, the very blueprint used for the overhaul, to the owner.

You see, what God was saying to me was, "What you are in Me is valuable and you of great worth in My sight. But let Me transform you into something even more valuable. I am the Master Designer and I have a plan for your life. If you will let Me overhaul you, you won't regret it. I want to make you everything you've dreamed of and hoped for...and so much more!"

I know the process will be hard and painful. In the same way that the vehicle had to be stripped bare or sand-blasted, welded and buffed, I know that I will have to be, also. But if that's what it takes for God to overhaul me inside and out, I will endure it. I want God to sign His name upon my heart and when the process is over(however long it may take) I want to be able to look in the mirror (physically & spiritually) and see the difference. I want to live up the potential that God sees in me that I do not yet see in myself. But in the need, I will be of even greater value because I have let him have complete control, free reign to overhaul me for a greater purpose to which He is calling me.